what am I

but a little grain in the desert?

what am I

but half a lover’s heart?

Poems 2

When in obscure clarity

Little doe or elephant

Find flight when free of doubt.

 

A second step on the same road,

Loses one in another.

 

A third of anything in the universe, needs a second and a first.

Excepted love.

 

Tandem asylum

Poem #1 : The Other Side of You

 

Reaching out

I search memories

And find sadness

But nothing

 

I sleep on sweat

Think through time

While you wander

I write wonders

in my heart

The Stigma of Introversion

Psychology Today

(Rough) Article’s subject: Introversion, Extroversion and Weirdness by Michael Aiden

Upon reading Susan Cain’s Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking’, I thought about my own life. My own case. Yes, I come off as an introvert to most people I know–which isn’t considered a good thing. Not yet, at least. Up until now, introversion has given me ample opportunities to know every possible under-out spots of my house (great for hide-and-seek!) as well as many a night spent brooding over the events of the day, furious and regrettable.  Well, most of them were regrettable anyways. In my view. What is meant: the many things I haven’t done because of times when I preferred to curl up in bed with a book rather than partying/socializing with other recluses/alcoholic girls and the ridiculous alternate pathways I took in college (including circling a whole block, walking in the shadows, pretending to be buying something at a store and be over-thrilled-to-home with it,  to be extremely occupied and troubled over the cellphone, and hiding in the toilets) to avoid places I knew would drag me in undesirable social interactions. Ugh.

As Susan’s book superbly puts it, introversion is viewed as many things together: quiet, shy, timid, thoughtful, gentle, snob, verbally deficient, suspicious, geeky. But why does all of them seem to relate to a unique idea, which would be ‘abnormal’ in my own words (yes, I said my own words) and those of other people? What makes introversion a  ’bad thing’ in our society? All these questions you can find answers to in ‘Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking’ which I recommend to every misunderstood peeps, false misogynists and loners out there.

The Experience

I’ve been called a ‘weirdo’ a lot of times, although probably not for the same reasons listed here, and shamelessly I do not mind to be one. Well, if it has anything to do with my introversion or shyness (the two things being altogether different), then I cannot help but live with it. And really, I don’t mind at all (does it sound like I’m trying so very hard?). The usual mantra that defiles in my head when someone gives me an odd sideways look as I pass them in a corridor: ”I’m an undercover society hero that nobody understands, fighting martyrdom and the common masses of average people on a daily basis.”  Maybe it does not sound so realistic–but hell, it works. For me. And ‘Me’ is a lot.

That said, I wanted to know why I come across as a weirdo with the people who I interact with (more than often girls). Does it have something to do with my frame? My skin color? Clothing style? My uh… swag? If not physically, then perhaps it is my personality? When I speak about conducting free work and research in prisons and psychiatric hospitals, or when I nag them about some scoring things they haven’t thought? A mix of these, and many more. What is understood is that people view other people as weird when they are different. But you may ask me, what is different? And there’s the problem. Different is everyone. Different is unknowing. Unknowing is prejudice, prejudice is racism or discrimination, and those are common factors to every human species. And yes, there is only one human species.

The Weirdness Idea

So I want to borrow a definition of the word ‘weird’ from an Oxford french-english online dictionary. The word is described as, ”odd, strange”, and the given example is as follows: ”He stayed home on a Friday night? That’s weird.”

No bullshit. Really? So at least fifty percent of the U.S population is considered weird? I’d wager that’s the minimum–but I don’t like numbers so much (or rather what people make of them). Logical lies are worse than anything. Yet what makes a Friday home staying guy weird? The answer lies in general culture–popular tendency. My informal hypothesis on the matter: anything that people don’t see very often in soap operas and t.v shows and the local clubs and in what we commonly see around is weird. That’s it. The guys above (see ref. for ‘government’) fabricated a deal of ideals they wanted to see shining in our culture. Did anyone see Caprio’s ‘Inception’? It’s happening.

Extroverted Society

Extroversion; eagerness, sociability, charisma, outgoing-ness… The Era of Personality as Susan Cain describes it, has overcome the Era of Character. Quiet integrity and personal development was crushed by marketable giant human beings; giants full of blind optimism, will-bending over-sized personalities, and life-or-death competitive attitudes. Superficial images. The All-Thwarting Consumers. And one does not need to look very far to find such giants.

First inkling

Some of us write online blogs for personal enjoyment. And all of us write for ego.

As it happens, my writer’s ego finally punched through the safe cover of my digital screen to stamp its own private mark on the Internet world. Under the fake pretense to improve my writer’s skills and prepare for university, I will recollect every of my egoistical night-rumblings and copy them here, and what else may come then.

Hey, I’m a 18 years old college student. I’m an introvert. That’s good to know, isn’t it?

Honesty has its bills, and no debts… Right.